Let Me
by thegirlsinthefirehouse
Summary: Erin goes up to the roof to talk to Abby.


It was up on the roof of the firehouse one evening when Erin found Abby staring out into the shades of purple and pink clouds just under the setting sun. The dark colors of the night were starting to set in, and the traffic below them was humming along steadily as the red lights faded into the distance. Erin couldn't read Abby's face. She frowned, putting her hands in her pockets. The chill in the air reminded of her bonfire smoke and crisp, brightly colored leaves raked into piles and jumping into them with her best friend. Abby never realized how much those moments of their stomachs hurting from laughing and being covered in pine straw had helped to erase the memories of her childhood and the bought off twins and their stupid trick of dumping bags of leaves over her grumpy neighbor's fence. Those two years of high school had been the happiest she had ever been, before leading up to the years in college where they had found a secret love and need for each other that she had abandoned out of fear.

It had been standing there in front of the portal and watching Abby go down that Erin's potential life had flashed before her eyes. Yes, they would have been laughed at, but then Abby's hand would have never left hers and they would have been together as paranormal investigators, ghost hunters, and fellow physicists in the making. They probably would have been broke most of the time, but it wouldn't have mattered. It's not like teaching at a university had really netted her that much in savings.

And they could have been _married_. The thought made Erin wistful still. Abby hadn't said anything, and Erin was afraid to even ask about rekindling what they had. She knew Abby was just grateful that they were friends again, but Erin wanted more. She had been quite jealous that Holtzmann had gotten to steal time that should have been hers. She loved that Abby had found a friend she could be carefree with, but all the things Holtz knew: the grumpy, sleepy moments at Higgins when Abby had to teach an early morning class, her exact take out orders, the names and ages of her brother's kids... these were the things she should be knowing. It was Holtz's hand that Abby had grabbed for when they had been at the Stonebrook Theater, not hers.

She wanted to change that. Not that she didn't love Holtz, but dammit, Erin wanted to be first in Abby's life again.

"Hey," she said, getting her friend's attention.

"Hey yourself," Abby said, smiling. "Come up here to think too, huh?"

"Something like that," Erin said, returning the smile. "I came looking for the leader of the Ghostbusters. She's been pretty busy these days."

"I'm not a leader," said Abby, waving off Erin.

"You are," said Erin. "Seriously Abby. No one would know what to do without you. Patty looks up to you because you know so much about the paranormal. Holtz most days probably wouldn't remember to put on pants."

Abby cackled at that, which made Erin grin. She came closer and wrapped her arms around her best friend.

"Besides, you've always been my personal hero."

"Doesn't mean I'm a leader," said Abby. "Or a real hero."

"We wouldn't know where to go without you," said Erin, laying her head on her shoulder. "Sort of like how we all froze for about ten seconds when Rowan took off with you."

"Yeah well, that was understandable," Abby said. "The portal was-"

" _I_ wouldn't know what to do without you," said Erin quietly, cutting Abby off.

"Erin, you are intelligent and a college professor. I think you know what to do here."

"You know that's not what I meant," said Erin. "I don't mean work, Abby."

Abby turned her head a little to look at Erin, who was still nestled in her shoulder.

"Erin..."

"I wouldn't have survived," the redhead continued. "You- I just got you back Abby. I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm here Erin," said Abby. "I'm not leaving you." She reached up and rubbed Erin's shoulder.

"But you did," said Erin. "You lost me first, but then I lost you." She paused, letting go of Abby's waist and moved around to face her. "Please don't ever do that again."

"I don't think we'll have to deal with anymore ghost Rowans."

"Hopefully," said Erin. "Abby... could we try _us_ again?"

Abby looked confused. "We are us. Just two of the four ghost girls in the big city."

Erin smiled wistfully at that.

"I mean what we had in college. What we first admitted to each other our junior year."

It was then that Erin saw the same look Abby had on her face when she had first walked out on the rooftop. She realized what that look was. Abby was hiding her heart. The hope Erin had built up inside herself deflated much like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man balloon had when she stuck the Swiss Army knife in it. Abby was building even more barriers between them. She knew her best friend had walls put up, but she hadn't expected for there to be even more. It made Erin's heart ache that she had hurt Abby that badly that she felt there needed to be distance in between them. It explained why she had been out on the roof so much. Erin had thought she had been coming out here to look at the stars as Abby still held a great interest in astronomy.

"You come out here to get away from me, don't you?" Abby sighed at her question, sticking her hands in her jacket pockets.

"I don't know Erin. It's been 16 years. I don't know if I can do this again. If you had asked me 10, 15 years ago..."

"I guess we have both tried to move on," said Erin softly. She hoped Abby wouldn't hear her voice cracking a little. "I had hoped-"

Abby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Believe me, Holtz has been threatening to examine my head herself with a drill and explosives and calling me an idiot these past few weeks."

"Why?" asked Erin, trying to keep her voice calm.

"Because the one thing I've wanted all this time I can't bring myself to take."

Erin thought for a moment her heart would burst with the amount of hope that had rapidly started filling it.

"I never got over you," said Abby. "I tried... everything. It just didn't work." She laughed softly. "I couldn't give my heart away because it was already gone."

"You want... us?" Erin asked. Abby didn't answer, but nodded before looking away.

And that was all Erin needed. She put her hands on Abby's forearms and took her hands out of her pockets, sliding her hands down to hold Abby's. She squeezed them gently.

"Since we first met," said Erin. "You have always led where we went. And I- never really minded. I've always just been grateful for someone to believe in me. You have never led me wrong- although I did run for a little while. A long while. And it was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. All that time has made me realize what I've lost and to value the friends I have made. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose Holtz and Patty. But mostly... I don't want to lose you again. I know you're scared. I am more frightened of scaring you off than I am of the thought of dealing with another large ghost rampaging through New York. I think- No, I know, that I need to do this. So just this once... let me lead you. I promise I won't lead you astray Abby."

"Erin..." began Abby.

"Let me take care of you, just this once." The redhead leaned down and kissed Abby on the forehead. It made the brunette close her eyes and lean into Erin.

"I've missed you," said Abby softly.

"I missed you too," Erin responded. "No one was ever by my side like you were."

"Only because we're both such huge nerds that we can't find anyone to function on our level." This made the both of them laugh. Erin couldn't help but smile, still holding on to Abby's hands.

"I have an idea," she said. Erin took out her phone and pulled up a music playlist. She hit play on her phone. The music started to play and she put it in her back pocket. Abby snorted.

"Your butt is now your personal music player?"

"It is when I'm asking my girl to dance under the stars," said Erin, grinning. The sheer amount of giddy in her body was going to leave her loopy for days. She took back Abby's other hand. Erin briefly remembered the two of them dancing one late night in celebration of their impending graduation. It had been a happy night, but this one was going to be better. She pulled Abby closer to the middle of the roof, and they swayed among the city lights. Erin knew they still had a ways to go and tearing down what time had built between them, but at least Abby hadn't said no.

And the fact that Abby was looking at Erin with the same look that she had in her eyes when she had come back and saved them, she figured it wouldn't be long.


End file.
